http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/family/2013/06/rescuing_drowning_children_how_to_know_when_someone_is_in_trouble_in_the.html

Recently, we have another tragic example of how power can go horribly wrong, with the suicide of Rehtaeh Parsons. Rehteah, as most of you will know, was a teenager in Nova Scotia, who killed herself. Her family says she was raped by a group of boys who then sent a graphic picture of her to all their friends. She died because some boys she knew used their power to assault her.  The people in power didn’t step in to help her when she was bullied. And then they went one step further and shamed her before everyone she knew. Many of her peers used their power to torment her with these pictures for nearly two years. And the people who might have stopped it didn’t do enough. In the end, more than anything else, it was a perversion of the power we all possess that led to the death of a promising young woman and destroyed a family. I suspect that more than a few of us wanted to believe that what happened in Steubenville, Ohio – with its details so similar – was the product of small-town America where too much power was given to a team of football players. In fact, we have been reminded, tragically, once again, that in any place and among any people, power can be horribly misused.

When I was in seminary, my father gave me an older book by Martha Ellen Stortz about leadership and power which has stuck with me. In the book, she urges leaders to think about three kinds of power and the role they can play for good and for bad. I thought of this book when I heard about Rehtaeh and considered the story of Jesus’ post-resurrection appearance in Galilee in John’s epilogue (John 21:1-19).

Jesus clearly wanted to make sure that the disciples got the message. He appears before them again – this time he tells them how to catch fish when their nets come up empty. They listen and it works. The disciples are overjoyed to see him, once they make the connection. But Jesus is emphatic with his reason for coming, so much so that he poses the question to Peter, not once but three times: “Do you love me? he asks. Yes, Peter says. “Then feed my sheep.” “Do you love me?” Jesus asks again. You know that I love you, Peter says. “Tend my sheep,” Jesus tells him. One more time he puts the questions to him, answering: “Feed my sheep.” And after this, the gospel tells us, Jesus said to the disciples, succinctly: “Follow me.”

Feed my sheep. Tend my sheep. Follow me. Three simple directions to the disciples. Three simple directions for us on how to lead on behalf of Jesus in the world.

But what’s the danger here? We know it too well: if we are to tend and feed the sheep then are we not placed above the sheep? Aren’t we in charge?

In her book, Stortz connects the three kinds of power both to our understanding of the triune God and how they impact our relationship to one another.  First she discusses the concept of “power over,” or coercive power. It is not hard to see where that power goes wrong: in politics and in our personal lives, in bullying and in domestic violence. But power over also channels the parent-child relationship, the doctor-patient relationship, and as Stortz observes, it also defines our relationship to God: the one in which we are given the direction, through Jesus, to “Follow me.” God says to us: here are the rules of the gospel; here is prescription for the good life. The difference is that unlike the parent who eventually sees their child reach adulthood, God allows for us to follow those rules in our own way, as they call to each of us from within.

That is the second kind of power that Stortz describes: “the power within,” the power of the Holy Spirit. But this power isn’t just about the outward ability to light up a room; it is also about the power that comes from a strong inner core, the power to get people to listen. This kind of power – the one that comes from within – can speak up against bullying, or step in when someone is being hurt and set events on a different course. But it may also be extremely dangerous, as we have seen so many times: Charismatic power can hold sway over the mob so that no one speaks up when horrible acts are committed, and silence is kept afterwards. We see this power all the time in social media – one strong voice frames the conversation of an entire group. This is the power that Jesus speaks of when he says: feed the sheep. He is calling the disciples to lead people by inspiring them, by challenging them.

Jesus also tells the disciples: tend the sheep. This relates to the third kind of power,  the third type of leader that Stortz describes: “the power with,” or what she calls coactive power. The most difficult kind of leadership to practice. It is not about control, and it is not about being the most alluring voice for change in the room. It’s how we should understand Jesus as the third point in our trinity: the God who walked among us and with us, who saw what we needed and what we were asking for and worked with us to try to make that happen. “Power with,” as Stortz writes, could also be called strength in numbers – “It is usually manifest in people who have far greater power together than any of them has individually.” Sheep, in the end, travel in flocks, and the strength of the flock depends on the health of the individual sheep. To “tend the sheep,” as Jesus urges the disciples, requires first an understanding of them that cannot be learned by giving orders from above, or flowing speeches from on high. It requires listening and caring and common ground.

The point that Stortz was making – and Jesus as well – is that all three types of leadership are necessary, but we must be careful to use them wisely and as the situation demands. The one that gets the least use, unfortunately, is the one represented by Jesus: the power with. On April 13, 2013 The Globe and Mail posed the question on its front page: “Did we fail Rehtaeh?” But we already know the answer. And it should make us uncomfortable. Too many times, we fail to act as a community, to lead as a group. We leave it up to the police to exercise their “power over” with the law. But that didn’t happen. We assume someone better, with natural abilities, will take charge; someone of “power within” will fill the silence when we do nothing. That didn’t happen. A promising young girl and her family were left alone to struggle. This happens all the time.

When I hear these stories, it makes me afraid for my own kids and worried for the society we live in. What messages aren’t they getting? What lessons aren’t they hearing? In the end, perhaps, we have failed to teach them that the most powerful act of all is to respect one another. That the most powerful people think about who they are in the world, and what their actions do to, and for, others.

In our gospel, Jesus is trying so hard to get the disciples to this place of understanding, to open their eyes. To open our eyes. Feed the sheep. Tend the sheep. Follow me.  Jesus is calling them to be powerful. May we both hear and teach the same lesson.

Malala is the kind of woman we celebrated last Friday on International Women’s Day. This day has been a tradition for over a century, since some ordinary women, mostly factory workers, began to fight for the right to vote, for better working conditions, and for the rights of children. And yet, we are in an interesting time for feminism. As most of you will know, I live with an outspoken feminist, I call myself a feminist, and I hope someday my sons will as well.  But a lot of women, especially younger ones, get squirmy at the word. It has negative connotations, mostly unjustified. Perhaps they are influenced by women like Beyoncé, who dodge the phrase. More likely, they have forgotten the long history behind them – the women who came before Malala who risked their lives and their livelihoods to stand up for the rights of not just women, but all minorities. We live in a country that isn’t perfect: men, for instance, outnumber women in parliament by 3 to 1. But we also have six female premiers. We are creating the most educated population of young women in the world. We have pretty good maternity-leave benefits. And we are one of the safest countries in the world. The danger, of course, is that we get complacent. Because our lives are good, we forget to keep trying to fix the problems that still exist – like our poor showing on correcting child poverty and our poor outcomes for aboriginal women. That’s the risk of the good life: we get too comfortable and forget about those around us – and in the rest of the world – whose lives are far from good.

In a way, isn’t that what the story of the prodigal son is about: The risks of complacency and a lack of empathy for those who struggle? We could level this accusation at the son who stays, whose life is good, who never strays from his calling. He has it pretty easy. He has followed the rules, and things have worked out for him. That’s noble, it’s true, but having never left the safe confines of his father’s home, he also probably didn’t face too many challenges. He has been well-rewarded.

So when his brother returns, having strayed and suffered for it, he can’t relate to him. He sits back in judgment. He is short on empathy.  He can’t recognize what factors may have led to his brother’s straying from the path, or what unlucky turns may have befallen him.

What’s more, he is angry when his father rejoices at the son’s return and throws a party. “What’s up, Dad?” the son who remained asks. “I have been here all along: where’s my party?” And his father tells him, essentially, welcoming back your brother does not reduce my pleasure in your constant presence.

But here’s the truth of it: where God is concerned, we are all children who wander off the path. Not one of us is more like the son who stays, who never falters, who is constant. That’s because we are human: we mess up. We fall down. We, consciously or not, make bad choices.  The story of the prodigal son is the hope of redemption – that acknowledging our failures, we return to God. We keep leaving and returning over and over again. Our story ends with a party, but we don’t know what happens next to him. Did the wayward son dutifully remain and never make a wrong choice again? I doubt that. He is meant to represent us – in this constant state of distance and embrace.

This is important in our relationship with God and to the gospel. It is the way of human life, to blunder about, and try to make amends for our blundering. In trying to do the right thing, we often make mistakes. The gift of the gospel is that we get to keep coming back, and every time God throws a party. And then God sends us out again to take another stab at it. Not everyone can stay home to tend the vineyard.

It’s important to the nature of this relationship with God for two reasons. First, it prevents us from becoming like the son who happened to be in the vineyard when his brother came home. It stops us from casting judgment, from assuming that what we see on the surface tells the story of their lives. And it stops us from becoming mired in our own mistakes, and lets us see them as learning moments that strengthen our faith and empower the Gospel through us.

That’s also how we must teach ourselves to see the larger world. The son who stayed had stopped looking past the borders of his father’s land. His life was too cushy.  It’s an easy habit to get into. But we learn to see the world for how it is when we remember our history — those who fought a struggle before us — and when we educate ourselves about what’s happening elsewhere.

It’s hard to believe that anyone who knows that in Somalia, young women can expect to go to school for just two years, or that in Saudi Arabia, there is not one woman in Parliament, could not see the value of feminism.  That, still in many parts of the world, girls are forced into marriage, or blamed and beaten for sexual assaults, and not see the value for those of us who enjoy such benefits calling ourselves feminists.

Jesus was most certainly one: he took advice from women in a society that gave them little value, he spoke in their defence when no one else would, he honoured them by appearing first to his female disciples after he died. Perhaps Jesus understood that having suffered and chosen to follow, their faith was stalwart in a different way from that of the male disciples.  This is not to say that Peter, and the rest, were not valued equally – like the son in our gospel who remained in the vineyard. It says that God respects the struggles that life tosses our way and honours us for persevering.

We are all the prodigal children who go into the world and make our way.  But, as the psalmist tells us, God is the parent who sets us free: “I will instruct you and teach you in the way that you should go.” God is like the parent, always watching over us: “I will guide you with my eye.” And God is there, waiting at the gates, to throw a party when we return.

In the good old days, so to speak, people attended church out of sense of tradition, or because it was the one time to gather as a community. In mid 1900s, research shows, families were led to church by mothers, who were more likely to direct a family’s faith practice. This is no longer true: most mothers work now, or slowly became disenchanted with a church that was slow to adapt to modern values. (Consider that even in a pretty liberal country like Canada, women, and especially younger women, are more likely than men to support gay rights, abortion rights, and social equality.) As a church, we have caught up – but for many mothers it is too late.

Now families increasingly choose churches with their kids in mind : Does the minister relate well to youth? What are the character education programs available? How are youth included in worship? And – the bottom line – are our kids having fun? When we ask a family to get themselves out of bed on a Sunday morning, to choose worship over hockey, we have to accept the reality of the times:  it’s our youngest members that are often driving that decision.

Considering the sample size of the newest members at the church where I serve, and the reasons why they chose to join a new congregation, all of the families have told me it was for their children. In one case, their two young girls like coming to church, listening to the children’s sermon, doing the crafts in the nursery, even playing with the plasma cars in the hall. Another mom brings her girls because of a friendship with another youth in our congregation. Another mom started coming because she wanted her daughter to be baptized. Some of these reasons may not be surprising, but they are all certainly worth considering.

As a church, we have a tendency to box up our youth programs and put them “over there.” They are separate from our mission and finance committees, worship – or at the most a secondary consideration. This needs to change: as an organization, we have been slow to recognize this significant shift in why young families attend church. They want their kids to learn the gospel, to be trained as leaders, to participate, to explore big ideas.  Those elements of a church can be shunted “over there.”

But what about older members, you may ask? In many ways, churches still serve its older members pretty well. Pastors spend more time visiting and providing pastoral care to older members. Church council is typically the domain of older members. Bible studies, quilting groups, etc cater mainly to older members.  What’s more, what’s the first thing an older member will say, when asked what they’d like to see more of at their church: kids.

How do we shift that “over there” attitude, and make youth and family-centred perspectives central to our larger ministry and synodical work?

Well, let me tell you about a new policy that Britain is trying. A few years ago, economists made an interesting finding: although the GDP of most western countries had steadily risen, when citizens were surveyed about their well-being, researchers didn’t find a similar rise in happiness. In many cases, happiness had declined. The conclusion was that government policy focused on fuelling the economy did not make the citizen living in it any happier – so what was the point? Ultimately, a nation wants to be happier, not richer and more miserable. The British government announced a new initiative, from now on every new government policy, tax effort or legislation would include a specific consideration of the Happiness index – that is rather than counting coins in the coffers, how would the policy improve the quality of life for the country’s citizens.

This is also what we need do with a family-focused church. Every policy or committee decision should include in its documentation a consideration of how families will benefit or be served. Part of this is a perspective change: by being required to consider a family or youth element, we may end up adjusting policies to better serve this demographic. We will be more sensitive to certain messaging that is contrary to the value of our families, and youth. We will be more likely to add a social media element to new programs.

We can’t just talk about being a youth-friendly church and synod. We have to put this into practice. By creating an imperative to include a youth/family assessment, we are forcing ourselves to think like a modern church living in a modern society.

This weekend 16 youth are gathering to spend 40 hours together in an Eastern Synod congregation.  Their time will be spent developing a greater understanding of who they are and what they stand for.  Bullying is on the rise while character education is on the decline.  With increased demands on parents at work and financial realities facing our school systems, faith communities have an opportunity to feed a need in our society. tothisday

To This Day Project is a project based on a spoken word poem written by Shane Koyczan called “To This Day”, to further explore the profound and lasting impact that bullying can have on an individual.

Churches, schools and families are in desperate need of proper tools to confront this problem. We can give them a starting point… A message that will have a far reaching and long lasting effect in confronting bullying.

Animators and motion artists brought their unique styles to 20 second segments that will thread into one fluid voice.
This collaborative volunteer effort will demonstrate what a community of caring individuals are capable of when they come together.

http://www.tothisdayproject.com

http://www.shanekoyczan.com/

http://www.bullying.org

http://www.giantant.ca

]]> http://easternsynod.org/ministries/youth-and-young-adult/2013/02/27/to-this-day-project/feed/ 0 http://easternsynod.org/ministries/youth-and-young-adult/2013/02/20/ask-and-imagine-event-august-10-24-2013-youth-scholars-program/ http://easternsynod.org/ministries/youth-and-young-adult/2013/02/20/ask-and-imagine-event-august-10-24-2013-youth-scholars-program/#comments Wed, 20 Feb 2013 21:57:24 +0000 Joel Crouse http://easternsynod.org/ministries/youth-and-young-adult/?p=378 The August program is two weeks long for young people who wish to explore life and leadership at the intersection of faith and culture.  It is for ANY young person (not just Anglican or Lutheran) who is interested in the program aims.  The August program has many new components to it, including a three-day adventure training expedition – water, air and land.  The cost structure has changed too – successful applicants are given full scholarship to attend, but must provide their own travel.   Again, visit the website for details and applications process.  www.askandimagine.org

If you have any questions about the programs, please write to us at director@askandimagine.org